fifi's lesson in love

fifi la fume was on the prowl as she chased down what she thought to be another potential boyfriend who was really furball cat who had managed to get skunk striped yet again.

"Come back to my arms my irresistible romeo!" fifi said as she closed in. Furball had gone through similar circumstances before and he'd trained while on the Looniversity track team to make sure he'd never be caught in fifi's tight embrace again. He kicked his run into high gear and disappeared over the horizon. Fifi stopped and sobbed. " Moi loses more cute boy skunks zat way."



The next day in school fifi walked around with her head bowed, as if she'd lost all reason to be happy. "Feef whats wrong", Babs said as she walked up with shirley. " Moi 'as lost another chance at amour, Le sigh, Moi does not know eef I can go on like zees."Babs got a light bulb over her head. "Hey feef what about that guest speaker we're having in our Toon romance class." Babs said. "Yea that'll like totally channel your negative vibes away" Shirley added. Fifi wiped away her tears and hugged them. " vous are ze best friends a skunk could ever have."



When it was time for Toon romance class fifi walked in with her head high, took a deep breath and said " Viva l'amour". Inside she did a double take when she saw who the speaker was. It was none other than Minerva Mink. Fifi became excited. If anyone could teach her about snaring guys it would be Minerva. She had every Male toon in the room lusting for her as well as all the male teachers looking into the room. Fifi took a seat and listened to what Minerva had to say. "Well toonsters if I've learned anything while being a gorgeous mink its not about how good you look but its about how good you make yourself look..." She went on about attitude and eye fluttering being key. By the end of the speech the male toons were sad the class was over but fifi felt like she needed more of Mineva as well. As the class was dismissed Fifi approached Minerva. "Meez Mink, I was wondering eef I could ask you for some pointers." Minerva looked at her. She knew in a contest She'd beat out fifi in looks and attractiveness..mostly due to the fact she was older and more developed, but she saw alot of potential. Most of the female toons in the looniversity had sat in on the Speech and of them She pegged fifi as the most beautiful. In some ways she saw a younger her in Fifi. "What can I do for you ms..? La fume. fifi La fume is my name, and I wanted advice on how vouz gets all ze guys. Whenever I find ze guys I like ze alwayz play ze how you say...hard to get." Minerva understood. " Any other issues?" Minerva asked politely. " I am..also ..uncontrollable around le male skunk fatales." Minerva smiled hopefully. "Well it just so happens I have a soft spot for you ms La fume, and I'll be glad to help. I think what we need is a little one on one training...Minerva style.





The first destination on their training was to the Burbank mall. " Ok fifi I want you to watch me get guys attention but watch my technique and remember several things as you observe me like..Let the guys chase you not the other way around, and Pretty gets their attention but the right attitude keeps them coming back for more."Fifi nodded dutifully. All her life she'd followed the examples of her Mentor Pepe le pew and although she never questioned those methods it was nice to have a female role model for once.

Minerva slowly strutted through the storefronts of the mall, garnering male attention with every sway of her hips. With every step, she showed anyone watching that she was a force to be reckoned with.

A young wolf with considerable courage jumped in front of her. With flowers outstretched he asked: " Would you go on a date with me?"She fluttered her eyelashes and giggled flirtatiously and then continued walking. The wolf followed, begging and pleading but no matter how much Minerva ignored him he trailed on like a lost puppy.

Minerva gestured to Fifi, as if to mimic her performance. Fifi gushed with glee. Fifi composed herself and followed with a similar swaying, and carrying an attitude of elegance. She got attention from nearly all the males, more than either she or Minerva expected. There were hoots and hollers, and many onlookers focused on her swaying tail." Well now, it's a wonder why all the boys run away with moves like that", Minerva said. Fifi blushed." Time for a change of scenery " Minerva said excitedly.

Their next stop was Acme park." Ok So we know you've got what it takes to drive the boys crazy, now we just have to find one that you want to drive crazy." Fifi frowned slightly. "Whenever I want to find ze cute boy skunks ze are alwayz playing ze hide while I seek." Minerva took this into consideration. Then she looked around the park." Why don't you pick one of your classmates to practice on. You don't have to be madly in love with him, but pick someone you think is even remotely attractive so it doesn't totally stink." Then fifi looked around. Buster and plucky were dating her friends so they were out." Fowlmouth and gogo dodo...no way. Then she spied Calamity coyote buried in a book. Like Minerva said, she wasn't madly in love with him but he had a certain nerdy cuteness in her eyes that would make her want him if he were a skunk. Minerva noticed her looking at him and urged her on. " Go get her tiger...I mean skunk..you know what I mean."

Fifi strode over daintily to where calamity was sitting. He didn't notice her until she slid up next to him. She put her hands on the book he was reading and set it aside. She lay her head on his lap and looked into his eyes sensually." Do vous think moi is...sexy, Calamity?" Calamity went from his normal grey to a beat red , with sweat trickling down his entire body. As he looked down at Fifi, she fluttered her eyes lightly to send shivers of delight up his spine. Impulsively and somewhat hopefully, he leaned in to Kiss her but she rolled off him and teasingly skipped away. His eyes followed her as she moved farther and farther away and she turned back and winked at him. He fell back and fainted blissfully. When Fifi came back to Minerva's side Minerva gave her a high five. "No man or Skunk could resist that!"

To celebrate Fifi's progress the two of them went to get an Ice cream at an Ice cream parlor outside the park. As they enjoyed their treat, they heard a noise from an alley next to them. A garbage can rolled out and and Furball crawled out, Skunk stripe still intact. Instinctively, fifi jumped out of her seat, ready to pounce but Minerva calmly grabbed fifi by the tail and yanked her back. "Ah Ah Ah", Minerva said, wagging a finger. " Have you learned nothing from me?" Fifi knew she was right. fifi grabbed a hanker chief from a table outside of the parlor and stood near furball's line of sight. She dropped it coyly. " Le sigh, eef only le big, strong, man could 'elp me pick up my 'ankerchief." When her dulcet voice passed through Furball's ears, whether he remembered or cared that she was a skunk was irrelevant, because he wanted her. He put some breath spray in his mouth and dashed to her side. He picked up the hankerchief and handed it to her. She fluttered her eyes." How can mois ever s'ank you?" She readied herself for a Kiss, outstretching herself towards him so he knew what she wanted. Furball grabbed her and kissed her with the intensity that fifi normally used. It could have been a happy ending but unlike fifi flirting with calamity, when fifi was attracted to another skunk or what she thought was one, her odor couldn't stay away. Furball pulled back as the stench filled his nostrils to the point of Nausea. As if waking from a dream he unwrapped himself from fifi's arms and ran in the other direction. " Now that you know he's interested go get him girl!" Minerva cheered enthusiastically. fifi hopped swiftly in furball's direction. "I am going to catch you my greek god of love!" As Minerva watched on she sighed: "Ain't love grand?"


That's all folks!